Careful What You Ask For

Every morning before my husband leaves for work he mutes the cartoons, calls me and the girls together and grabs each of us by the hand while offering up a grateful prayer for continued protection as we begin our day. He then kisses us on the forehead and heads out of the door. However, over the last few days I have realized I need to pray a personal prayer of strength and wisdom before I even step foot out of the bed.

Yesterday as I lay in bed prolonging the inevitable, I began my prayer. After saying the usual thanks and praying the common request for strength as I spend my day wiping, feeding, playing and laughing, I decided to propose a challenge to God. I challenged God to show Himself to me in a new way. Out of the blue I had an overwhelming urge to feel God's presence so strong that I would know it had to be Him. I said my Amen's and got out of bed. Selfishly, I assumed this request would lead me to finding 20 bucks, getting a phone call with unexpected good news or something of the sort.

I went throughout the day doing my normal Wednesday activities... gymnastics, Wal-Mart, lunch at sonic, came home for a nap and so on...not once did I even think about my special request.

This week Alena is taking a swim class in the evenings. So after nap we got dressed and headed back out for her lesson. While waiting for her to finish, Jonathan called to ask me to drop Alena off at the water park where the church was having their annual back-to-school bash. A little hesitant because of our already full day, I left Alena in her bathing suit and was on my way to drop her off when I misread a street sign and collided with the car next to me. I was on the inside of a two lane turning signal and I had no intention of turning.

The girls were ok, the other driver and his kids were ok, I was completely shaken and there was some damage to the cars. Jonathan came and handled all the insurance stuff and still took Alena to the park. I went home upset and really just feeling mad. Mad that it was my fault and my insurance would have to cover the man's car, mad that after such an already long day I now had deal with yet another thing. This just spiraled and I was smack in the middle of a major pity party when it hit me, God had answered my request. Instead of Him showing himself to me in a common and expected way, he mad me aware of how for granted I take His GRACE and PROTECTION that he shows me and my family everyday. Its absoultely amazing how clearly we can see and feel God if only we ask.

Dreams and Little Letters...

A friend of mine just asked me what my wildest dream was. After thinking long and hard I came up with.........

That's right, I came up with nothing. I have learned that whenever I get what I think I want, I realize that I already had what I wanted, haha....

After telling her what I came up with, she sent me parts of a commencement speech made by an all time favorite Ms. Oprah Winfrey. To sum up the speech Oprah was saying she did a show called "Wildest Dream Tour." You know how it goes, she asked people to submit their wildest dreams and she would fulfill them.

She goes on to say that they had a hard time finding enough dreams to fulfill and that women are so damaged that they lack vision. They did manage to pay some bills, send a few ladies on a trip and buy a couple of homes. They also had a few ladies whose wildest dream was to meet her. After seeing what she did for the other ladies, the ladies who simply wanted to meet her were upset. She summed up her point with, "They did not dream big enough."

I realize I may sound like I don't like Oprah, but I do. However I think I disagree with this concept. I think the women who whose dream was to meet her had the right idea. To me a wildest dream is something that would be nice to have happen but I have no control over it. Why would I dream that someone would pay my bills? Although that would be lovely, for it to be my wildest dream simply means I don't think its possible for me to accomplish this and to me that says a lack of vision....

OK topic change!!! What I really wanted to tell you tonight is that I am so proud of my little Alena..and myself! I, oops correction: WE have managed to teach her (keep in mind she just turned 3 in April) how to write the letters: "M", "P", "F", "E", "H", "A", "L", and "T." She can also run off a list of words that begin with "M," "P", and "F" and give you a bible story that matches!!!!! I am having such a proud mommy night and just wanted to share :-)

Be Intentional

The more I talk to others the more I realize that not many things in life "just happen." From your career to your health, positive results demand intentional behavior.

Short and sweet but I think this concept is major and can be applied to any area of life. In general I think most people have wants and ideas as to the life they want, however, far fewer actually take steps to accomplish them.

For example: I have always wanted a six pack (talking stomach here!) and for those that know me I can hear the sighs.....yes I am "small" and have always been but I don't and have not ever had a six pack. Nor do I or have I ever actually done the work to achieve this, go figure.

A six pack is just something that I have always wanted....especially now, 2 babies later! But this desire for a six pack is just not enough. After 20+ years of wanting one it still has not happened.

This concept seems obvious, right?

Well I believe it’s the same concept for the broader picture of how we live our lives.

It’s easy and almost human to focus on and hide behind life's negatives and allow things to "just happen", but it takes an intentional effort to see the positives and make things happen.

It is far too easy to want a peaceful home. To want disciplined children with Godly values but it takes an intentional effort (and a lot of intentional praying!!!) to raise them to go in that direction.

If we don't intentionally seek out God's will and make decisions that lead to your vision it just won’t happen. Even with prayer and God's grace we will end up living a life that God never intended for us to have.

Rest

There is something about the very presence of my husband that brings a sense of rest to my life. Actually it’s quite ironic because there is nothing about his personality that exemplifies "rest." He very much enjoys being on the go and keeping busy, or "moving with a purpose" as he puts it, where I on the other hand love to lounge and take it easy....which I have not been able to do...

So this past Thursday Jonathan so graciously agreed to stay at home with our oldest daughter, Alena, so that mommy and Kaitlyn could retreat to the luxurious Gaylord Hotel.

Because Kaitlyn is still so young (and is really a peaceful baby) we decided I would have one night of much needed peace, quiet and lounge time until he was able to join me late Friday evening.

Well one would think this was an awesome treat, right? WRONG! Well ok not wrong because it was GREAT but I did find myself on the phone with him constantly with all sorts of silly questions that I am embarrassed to tell you about. Just know that they ranged from how much and exactly when do I tip the valet parker? to can I open the door for room service in my robe?!?! :-)

I had to laugh at myself for being so silly. But deep down I felt really good about it. This may sound pathetic and weak to some but I am so grateful there are some things in my life that I simply don't have to worry about. I don’t know what’s appropriate for tipping, because my husband pays for me. I don't know if it’s ok to open the door in a robe because Jonathan protects me from unwanted attention...

When I think about my time alone I can't help to be amazed at what God has done without me knowing it. He has taught me to rely on my husband to have a certain level of control which allows his very presence to put my internal being at rest.

By no means do I have this wifey thing down but slowly I am learning that when I operate in my role as a wife the way God has designed it life can be so much easier and worry free. I am so grateful for the fact that that I can trust and rest on my hubby!

What?? A TORNADO...

Alena and I had just finished up dinner and I was in the middle of delivering some heart breaking news to my charming baby big girl.

See, before we started dinner, I told her that if she ate her dinner I had a surpise for her. Well immediately after that the conversation went something like this:

Alena: I don't want any Broccoli
Me: Thats good cause we have spinach
Alena: breaks into an immediate cry and begins to stomp and have a full fledge fit
Me: "WHACKUP WHACKUP WHACKUP" hahaha thats me spanking her :-)

Once she got herself together she not only ate the spinach on her plate but asked for more. She also engaged me in a very pleasant conversation. Inquiring about my day and giving me a report on hers.

This may sound adorable and I have to admit she almost had me....because no sooner then she took her last bite, did she bat those big beautiful eyes at me and in her sweetest voice say, "I ate all my food mommy. Can I have my suprise?" she then began to plead her case, stating that she ate all her spinach, all her chicken and her noodles AND she drank all her water.

I had been BAMBOOZLED!...but back to the point of this blog.

I was sitting on the couch explaining (for the zillionth time) actions and consequences when I finally decided to pay attention to the faint vibrations I was feeling somewhere under my bottom. I dug out the phone to see that I had three missed calls, all from my aunt who was vacationing in California. I figured this call must be at least somewhat important and I decided to give her a ring back.

"Are you ok? I was just watching CNN and there are tornados in your area!!!"

I HAD NO IDEA. But within a matter of seconds Alena, her baby CHLOE, her "friend" AleMa, Kaitlyn and I found ourselves tucked away in my bedroom closet.

I was terrified. I mean completely shaken up but trying to hold it together because Alena was watching my every move and up until this point thought we were playing a really cool new game....

Well thank God the alarms finally ceased an we are all safe. But the entire experience really made me think and reexamine the way I handle the many disappointments that are bound to happen.

I was pretty upset with Alena's actions. From the fit to the manipulation but my love is unconditional so I immediately switched gears in order to protect my baby.. regardless of how disappointed I was and how bad I wanted to finish teaching her the lesson while it was fresh. I realize now that I had already made my point and it was just time to move on. Although it would have been stupid in this particular situation, it did make me think about how often I sit in a situation refusing to move on because I have a point to make while ultimately letting a disaster happen around me.

About me

So I have been thinking about this blog thing and re-examining the "about me" section that sits on the left side of the page screaming READ ME!!

If you take a look at it you will see that I have come up with NOTHING. Well not exactly nothing, but not anything creative or spicey, just the normal stuff..."mother, wife, blah blah."

After playing around with it, I decided it is what it is and thats just it.

Well without realizing it, this reality became the begining of a downward spiral. I began to think about why I was so determined to find something else to fill that space. As if being married to a wonderful man and being the mother of two precious baby girls can't be IT, its just not enough.

I mean after all I have always been expected to do great things, right? I mean really, I not only went to the best schools, but I studied abroad, I got good grades, I have experienced and been exposed to wonderful things and then on top of that I Love the Lord Jesus Christ and surely he would make sure I reached my expected greatness....right?

Well then why is it that when I think about me all I have is my wonderful husband and two precious baby girls? Surely I have something else...but what?? Where is it and what exactly am I doing with my life??

As I got farther and farther down the rings of this spiral I created I saw no postive ending. Then it hit me.

Is it that I am only a wife and a mother or is it that who I am, the life I live , is only reflected in the things I affect? The reality is its the things that I impact that truely measure and define who I am.

So here goes...

About me:

I am married to a wonderful man and the mother of two precious baby girls.



Now there yall go all up in my cabinets!!!

Life as I knew it...

It was nearly 1am. and instead of being somewhere far off in dreamland or snuggled with my hubby, there I sat on the floor alone (well sort of) in my musty, hot bedroom, inhaling humidity.

This may sound bizarre to some of you but if you have ever had a sick child...this scene is probably somewhat familiar.

Kaitlyn, my precisous 3 month old baby girl has a cough bigger then her and it just won't go away. So as a last resort to relieve her from her discomfort, I decided to place the humidifier on the floor and position myself directly in front of it in order for her to inhale the steam perfectly, kind of like a baby facial :-) I have to admit it sounds "extra" considering the humidfier had been running ALL day and my room could not get any more humid, but it worked and somehow she managed to sleep through the whole ordeal.

I am not sure how long I stayed on the floor or when I finally dozed off but the one thing I am sure about is that it was my sweet little 3 years olds voice that woke me at 6:57am.

Now, if anyone knows anything about me they know I am a sleeper. I mean I L-O-V-E to sleep, almost didnt get my husband (then acquaitance) because I chose sleep over talking to him...haha but thats another blog. So anyway its kind of ironic that I am now forced to survive with so little of it.

Of course Alena woke up ready to go and because of Kaitlyn's cough we were not going anywhere for the second day in a row. So I needed to be on point to keep up with her energy level. I actually suprised myself. I mean we played hard...baby dolls, crafts, makeshift Easter egg hunt and on and on...

Its days like this that I have to admit that I never could have imagined life as I know it but I am so glad its the one I got!