Confession

When I first decided to start "blogging," a friend of mine said to me, "You don't have to blog often but just be consistent. There is nothing worse then an inconsistent blogger."

So when I took on this challenge I knew how intense it would be. I would need to be interesting enough to reel em in, creative enough to make em come back and intriguing enough to have them begging for more.... I had this thing down to a science and I was ready to jump all over it...

Blog 1...BAAAM
Blog 2...BAAAAAAMM
Blog 3...BAAAAAAAAMMM
Blog 4... BAA...maybe later
Blog 5...Ok, tomorrow
Blog 6... um
Blog 7... I am over it

Its not that I am in a constant state of writer’s block. I come up with lots of topics that I wish to attack. Its not that I lost my drive or my desire to write. In fact I think about blogging often. Actually almost every evening once the kids are in bed and Jonathan is watching discovery channel (or something just as uninteresting) I sit at my computer, read up on my favorite blogs, log in and then something happens.

Somehow, someway, I end up minimizing the blogger box (with every intention to open in a minute) and the little arrow guided by my right hand drifts over to the red box that patiently sits on my desktop labeled "WordBiz."

If you are not familiar with this box then you are missing out. That’s right, I am addicted to SCRABBLE!!!!! I just can't stay away and it’s bad. I spend just about every evening strategizing, adjusting, and rearranging seven tiles at a time.

Somewhere between my 2nd and 3rd game (depending on my number of wins) my eyes begin to get heavy and its time to say goodnight.

So that’s it. I am a blog failure because I am a word game geek.

I sincerely apologize for the let down and from here on out I make a no commitment vow to do better.

phew glad I got that out!!! :-)

Careful What You Ask For

Every morning before my husband leaves for work he mutes the cartoons, calls me and the girls together and grabs each of us by the hand while offering up a grateful prayer for continued protection as we begin our day. He then kisses us on the forehead and heads out of the door. However, over the last few days I have realized I need to pray a personal prayer of strength and wisdom before I even step foot out of the bed.

Yesterday as I lay in bed prolonging the inevitable, I began my prayer. After saying the usual thanks and praying the common request for strength as I spend my day wiping, feeding, playing and laughing, I decided to propose a challenge to God. I challenged God to show Himself to me in a new way. Out of the blue I had an overwhelming urge to feel God's presence so strong that I would know it had to be Him. I said my Amen's and got out of bed. Selfishly, I assumed this request would lead me to finding 20 bucks, getting a phone call with unexpected good news or something of the sort.

I went throughout the day doing my normal Wednesday activities... gymnastics, Wal-Mart, lunch at sonic, came home for a nap and so on...not once did I even think about my special request.

This week Alena is taking a swim class in the evenings. So after nap we got dressed and headed back out for her lesson. While waiting for her to finish, Jonathan called to ask me to drop Alena off at the water park where the church was having their annual back-to-school bash. A little hesitant because of our already full day, I left Alena in her bathing suit and was on my way to drop her off when I misread a street sign and collided with the car next to me. I was on the inside of a two lane turning signal and I had no intention of turning.

The girls were ok, the other driver and his kids were ok, I was completely shaken and there was some damage to the cars. Jonathan came and handled all the insurance stuff and still took Alena to the park. I went home upset and really just feeling mad. Mad that it was my fault and my insurance would have to cover the man's car, mad that after such an already long day I now had deal with yet another thing. This just spiraled and I was smack in the middle of a major pity party when it hit me, God had answered my request. Instead of Him showing himself to me in a common and expected way, he mad me aware of how for granted I take His GRACE and PROTECTION that he shows me and my family everyday. Its absoultely amazing how clearly we can see and feel God if only we ask.

Stick to what you know

The only thing I know about bugs is that I don't want them near me. In my mind they represent some of sort of status thing, bugs belong with the poor. I guess it stems from my childhood. Being a city kid who bussed to suburbia for school, I became very aware of the things that made my home life different then those whom I associated with between the hours of 8 and 3. Somewhere in this process of things, "bugs" and pretty much all outdoor creatures fell into the category of home life. I remember watching my grandmother vigorously swat, spray and smash anything that said “bzzzz”, “squeak”, or “chirp.” At times it appeared she was willing to risk her safety in order to keep these unwanted creatures outside of and away from our home. I don’t remember hearing any of my classmates discuss this; therefore bugs belong in the city and live with the poor.

While I am now grown and a little more educated, I know differently but this concept is hard to shake. It still doesn’t matter to me what family they belong to, where they come from, what good they serve on the food chain...none of it...I don't care, I simply prefer to stay away from all of them. They all mean the same thing: ant=gross, gnat=gross, fly=gross, spider=gross, lightening bug=gross, ladybug=gross!!! And we will not even discuss roaches and mice, uhhh I cringe just typing it!!

Now, my husband on the other hand grew up on a dirt road with full fledge farms next door. (ok I know that the animals that live on a farm are different then “bugs” but remember I am city kid so its all the same thing!) He spent many of his young days playing with, exploring and dissecting many of the very same creatures we prayed would flee from our home.

So now we have a dilemma. When mommy sees a fly she goes swatting and batting like a mad woman. When daddy sees a fly he ignores it. When Alena sees a fly she wants to get a good look at it and understand where it comes from, where it lives, why it says “bzzz”, where his mommy and daddy are and on, on and on!!!!

Usually I pull her away with a “ew Alena that’s gross”, but the other day I was feeling kinda of loopy and decided to entertain her questions about the family of caterpillars that were residing on our front steps. She and her friend were quite intrigued by them. So regardless of how grossed out I was, I let them get close and personal with these fury little green monsters. However I had absolutely no answers for any of the zillion questions they asked!

When we came in I was feeling even loopier and decided to make it a learning project for the three of us. I got on the net and found a kid friendly story on the life of a caterpillar. We read the story. Learned how to make the letter “C” and we even made our very own caterpillar friends! I mean I went all out…finger painting and blow drying cotton balls so we could have enough length to give the caterpillar's body the full effect. I even cut out eyes and legs! I have to admit it was a lot of fun.

Now, you are not going to believe this, as I am sitting here writing this blog on how I have been stretched to embrace creatures of nature, wouldn’t you know the news just did a story on “webworms.” Apparently they are known to attack the Texas trees. The news reports that due to the climate changes we have been having an extra dose of them this year and they are killing the trees. They even had a guy recommending different methods for killing them!!

As I looked up from the computer guess what I saw……that’s right, right there on my TV screen a picture of these “webworms” pop up. They look an awfully lot like the family of “caterpillars” that were living on my steps!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA wow…I LET ALENA PLAY WITH WORMS!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

My one liner husband says, “hmph, guess you know even less about bugs then you thought.”

Memories

By no means is my memory one of my best assets. I think I could probably do without it completely since it does not serve much purpose in my daily existence. Actually I have friends who often joke that I must not have been present between 1995 and 2005 because I can’t remember anything from that ten year stretch. I think it might be more accurate to tag 06 and 07 right onto that. However, there is one particular day that I can almost replay word for word, action for action and thought for thought. The incidents that took place throughout that day play a significant role in my life as I know it today.

August 2003. Everything was so new. I was a newlywed, still very much in the honeymoon phase, fresh out of undergrad, a recent implant to New Jersey and was about 1 month into my first “real” job. It had been quite a summer and my husband and I were looking forward to settling down and beginning our life together, just the two of us.

The day started like normal. I got up and went to work while Jonathan got up and went golfing… whether or not he did a little work before that is questionable! At about noon I got a phone call from my aunt. She had a dream that my mother, who was also recently married, was pregnant. We laughed hysterically at the thought and then she spent the rest of the conversation describing this beautiful baby to me. She was really upset that it was only a dream and she didn’t actually get to kiss and love on this bright eyed, dark haired, plump little girl. And of course she threw in an occasional joke that maybe this baby was mine. As expected my response was “yeah right, girl please”….but her words did resonate and the wheels in mind began to turn.

For the rest of the day, I was a bundle of nerves, paying close attention to my every twinge, ache and yawn. Needless to say on my way home from work I made a pit stop...

I sat quietly, alone on the couch in our living room, with every feeling, emotion and thought imaginable running through my head. “Could I be? No way…we have only been married 1 month…well it would be fun to have a baby…yeah but we said 3 years…..OH MY GOODNESS” Believe me when I say it was the longest three minutes of my life!!!!

At the time I had no idea what those two little lines on a white stick really meant. Now I sit three and half years later and I still have no clue. All I know is that I do better, try harder and pray more because she, well now THEY are watching! As I was trying to decide what to blog about, I asked a friend for some suggestions. She replied and said I should blog about what inspires me. Well here you have it. There is no greater inspiration then my desire to raise two beautiful women who will follow, fear and love God with their whole heart.

Gee this is great timing, I really needed to remember this today!