30 Minutes

Shhhh listen to that… do you hear it? You don’t? ME EITHER!!! I am sitting in my living room right now and the only thing I hear are my fingers stumbling over the keys on my laptop and its absolutely wonderful. The last couple of days have been eventful. So it’s nice to sit and enjoy an hour of nothingness.

Anyway about a month ago in an effort to tone up the left over baby baggage, I joined Curves...that’s right, the thirty minute female-only workout facility. It may not be a “real” gym to some but this type of controlled exercise environment is exactly what and all I need. I don’t have enough discipline to walk on a treadmill for 30 min, lift weights for 20, wrap myself around an ab roller and still make my way to an aerobics class where I don’t have enough rhythm to keep up! I won’t even get into the dealing with the annoying fitnessholics, with their matching spandex and headbands watching as novices like myself try to indiscreetly look at the pictures to see where my feet go while slowly removing the little weight knob so that the only thing I am lifting is the machine itself....

…geesh the "real gym" is just not worth it…

Besides I have been quite pleased with the results of my 30 min fast paced social gathering. Even my husband has acknowledged the muscles that have returned to my calves and he has warned me about the buffness forming in my shoulder region.

All this to say I was devastated today when I looked down at my hands to discover little red hard patches at the base of each finger. How could a thirty minute female-only workout facility give me calluses!?!

Now what I am supposed to do?

Tester

This year Jonathan and I decided to pick up on an almost tradition and politely invite ourselves to spend Thanksgiving with some friends. (Thankfully they love us and welcomed the idea!) In order to follow all proper protocol I asked what we could bring. Although I was praying for paper products and drinks, I got rolls, whipped cream and the dessert, specifically pumpkin pie. Once I saw these items listed next to my name, I knew I would be buying all of them, especially the pie! So I simply closed the email and moved on.

Well I am not sure what happened but as Thanksgiving approached I was feeling a little bravery come on and decided I would try baking the pumpkin pie myself.

You should know I have never baked anything besides chicken…well porkchops, and that sort of thing but nothing sweet. No cakes, no cookies and definitely no pies. When I first broke the news to my husband, in an effort to keep the peace, he nonchalantly mentioned a great bakery he knows of…ha. So as the compromise I decided I would do a test bake. I went to the store and bought double the supplies. I did my test bake on Tuesday in order to have ample time to purchase the real deal if I needed to. I had to have this thing planned out just in case the tester failed. However, the tester went well, so I carefully redid my exact steps in order to prepare the one that would actually leave the house on Thursday. I was pleased and thought I was well prepared for Thanksgiving dinner with Al and Susan.

Well, I was not. I had not quite tested everything. My little three year old Alena had a few surprises in store!

When we got there we just hung out for awhile while waiting for another family to join us. Alena was in heaven. She absolutely loves Brandon (their son) and in general she just loves being around people. So she and Brandon took off playing before everyone arrived.

Once all the people and pieces arrived we decided we would eat first and then feed the kids. As we picked over turkey pieces, disciplined our husbands, spooned out mashed potatoes and passed the gravy, we began to hear tiny footsteps and feel the glares of little people. The room fell silent and we all looked up at them quietly to see what they needed.

No one spoke.

So Ken, a new face to Alena, looked up and said in his sweetest kid voice, “Hi Alena, how are you? Are you hungry?” Alena looks down at him, pauses, frowns her face and in her As-A-Matter-of-Fact voice comes out, “WHO ARE YOU?”

The entire table filled with laughter, but because I was in fact responsible for the adorable rude little creature…I begin apologizing while trying to hold back my own laughter in order to keep face with Alena.

Later on when I asked Alena why she said that, she very innocently defended her question and said “Mommy, I wanted to know his name.” This was not Alena’s only honest yet improper comment for the night. They also included “I am not dear, I am Alena.”!!

I was not angry with her and although it was unacceptable, it was quite funny. It really just made me realize how pure and honest children are. There is so much about life that they just don’t know and its up to us (parents) to not only prepare them at home but sometimes we need to actually test them out before they show up at the real deal.

City Living

It’s something about city living that I absolutely adore...

The billboard advertising last year’s movies, the yellow sign with bold black letters reading “CHECKS CASHED,” a beautifully sketched picture with the words, “Luxury Apartments Coming Fall 2009” sitting strategically between an abandoned building and the neighborhood’s staple #1 Chinese Food and Fried Chicken.

Double parked cars receiving honks that drivers don’t hear.

A group of three 20 year old men hanging out as young girls stroll pass hoping to be noticed while elderly women scurry by wanting to be ignored. A sweaty man carrying a tattered briefcase emerges from the underground and waits impatiently for the little walking figurine to cue him on.

Children being pulled by one arm while staring at a cluster of dirty blankets obviously hidden in front of a black-iron fence.

And then there are the intruders like me, absorbing it all and desperately wanting to relive my younger days. Wanting to understand why I love a smell that those who call it home don’t seem to even know exist.

Chicago was great.

A Break From the Routine

It took me over an hour to fall asleep last night. In general I am not a quick sleeper and I am often angered by how much I want to be sleep. Instead there I am replaying my entire day, tossing a pillow this way, turning one that way, throwing one over there and listening to the loud bear-like steady breathing that happens as soon as my husband’s head hits the pillow.

However last night was a little different. Instead of replaying my day I played out my tomorrow (today)….including writing this blog. You see I am leaving for a 2.5 day trip to visit a friend and I needed to have a plan to ensure I would get all the necessary things done to make life easier for my husband and the girls.

So today I planned to scurry around the house doing laundry, planning menus, writing schedules, laying out outfits and cleaning. Yes all of this because I am taking a 2.5 day trip.

See its not that I don’t think my husband can manage. It’s the complete opposite; I know he can “manage.” It’s just that, well…

I know the girls will get dressed---the pants might be too short and the shirt may not match…

I know they will all eat—maybe a hotdog, a soda, and chips…

I know they will sleep-maybe not the 12 hours they need…

I know the dishes will get done-maybe one at a time, on an as needed basis…

YIKES! My stomach is in a knot just thinking about what the days may look like without me. If you are thinking that the problem is not my husband, you are correct! It’s not his problem, I know he will take care of the girls. The problem is well…he won’t do it like I will…I hate to admit it but I realize the problem is with me.

So in a feat to get over this control factor, you may be happy to know that:

I did not plan out outfits; they probably wouldn’t get worn anyway

I did not cook 2.5 days worth of food; it would all still be here when I returned,

I did not make a schedule; they will watch 50 movies and stay up til at least 10 regardless

and no matter what the house will for sure be a mess when I return

BUT without a doubt I know the girls will absolutely love spending this quality, undefined free time with the man they adore…their daddy! Let’s just pray that mommy can enjoy her time away knowing all the rules will be broken!!

Confession

When I first decided to start "blogging," a friend of mine said to me, "You don't have to blog often but just be consistent. There is nothing worse then an inconsistent blogger."

So when I took on this challenge I knew how intense it would be. I would need to be interesting enough to reel em in, creative enough to make em come back and intriguing enough to have them begging for more.... I had this thing down to a science and I was ready to jump all over it...

Blog 1...BAAAM
Blog 2...BAAAAAAMM
Blog 3...BAAAAAAAAMMM
Blog 4... BAA...maybe later
Blog 5...Ok, tomorrow
Blog 6... um
Blog 7... I am over it

Its not that I am in a constant state of writer’s block. I come up with lots of topics that I wish to attack. Its not that I lost my drive or my desire to write. In fact I think about blogging often. Actually almost every evening once the kids are in bed and Jonathan is watching discovery channel (or something just as uninteresting) I sit at my computer, read up on my favorite blogs, log in and then something happens.

Somehow, someway, I end up minimizing the blogger box (with every intention to open in a minute) and the little arrow guided by my right hand drifts over to the red box that patiently sits on my desktop labeled "WordBiz."

If you are not familiar with this box then you are missing out. That’s right, I am addicted to SCRABBLE!!!!! I just can't stay away and it’s bad. I spend just about every evening strategizing, adjusting, and rearranging seven tiles at a time.

Somewhere between my 2nd and 3rd game (depending on my number of wins) my eyes begin to get heavy and its time to say goodnight.

So that’s it. I am a blog failure because I am a word game geek.

I sincerely apologize for the let down and from here on out I make a no commitment vow to do better.

phew glad I got that out!!! :-)

Careful What You Ask For

Every morning before my husband leaves for work he mutes the cartoons, calls me and the girls together and grabs each of us by the hand while offering up a grateful prayer for continued protection as we begin our day. He then kisses us on the forehead and heads out of the door. However, over the last few days I have realized I need to pray a personal prayer of strength and wisdom before I even step foot out of the bed.

Yesterday as I lay in bed prolonging the inevitable, I began my prayer. After saying the usual thanks and praying the common request for strength as I spend my day wiping, feeding, playing and laughing, I decided to propose a challenge to God. I challenged God to show Himself to me in a new way. Out of the blue I had an overwhelming urge to feel God's presence so strong that I would know it had to be Him. I said my Amen's and got out of bed. Selfishly, I assumed this request would lead me to finding 20 bucks, getting a phone call with unexpected good news or something of the sort.

I went throughout the day doing my normal Wednesday activities... gymnastics, Wal-Mart, lunch at sonic, came home for a nap and so on...not once did I even think about my special request.

This week Alena is taking a swim class in the evenings. So after nap we got dressed and headed back out for her lesson. While waiting for her to finish, Jonathan called to ask me to drop Alena off at the water park where the church was having their annual back-to-school bash. A little hesitant because of our already full day, I left Alena in her bathing suit and was on my way to drop her off when I misread a street sign and collided with the car next to me. I was on the inside of a two lane turning signal and I had no intention of turning.

The girls were ok, the other driver and his kids were ok, I was completely shaken and there was some damage to the cars. Jonathan came and handled all the insurance stuff and still took Alena to the park. I went home upset and really just feeling mad. Mad that it was my fault and my insurance would have to cover the man's car, mad that after such an already long day I now had deal with yet another thing. This just spiraled and I was smack in the middle of a major pity party when it hit me, God had answered my request. Instead of Him showing himself to me in a common and expected way, he mad me aware of how for granted I take His GRACE and PROTECTION that he shows me and my family everyday. Its absoultely amazing how clearly we can see and feel God if only we ask.

Stick to what you know

The only thing I know about bugs is that I don't want them near me. In my mind they represent some of sort of status thing, bugs belong with the poor. I guess it stems from my childhood. Being a city kid who bussed to suburbia for school, I became very aware of the things that made my home life different then those whom I associated with between the hours of 8 and 3. Somewhere in this process of things, "bugs" and pretty much all outdoor creatures fell into the category of home life. I remember watching my grandmother vigorously swat, spray and smash anything that said “bzzzz”, “squeak”, or “chirp.” At times it appeared she was willing to risk her safety in order to keep these unwanted creatures outside of and away from our home. I don’t remember hearing any of my classmates discuss this; therefore bugs belong in the city and live with the poor.

While I am now grown and a little more educated, I know differently but this concept is hard to shake. It still doesn’t matter to me what family they belong to, where they come from, what good they serve on the food chain...none of it...I don't care, I simply prefer to stay away from all of them. They all mean the same thing: ant=gross, gnat=gross, fly=gross, spider=gross, lightening bug=gross, ladybug=gross!!! And we will not even discuss roaches and mice, uhhh I cringe just typing it!!

Now, my husband on the other hand grew up on a dirt road with full fledge farms next door. (ok I know that the animals that live on a farm are different then “bugs” but remember I am city kid so its all the same thing!) He spent many of his young days playing with, exploring and dissecting many of the very same creatures we prayed would flee from our home.

So now we have a dilemma. When mommy sees a fly she goes swatting and batting like a mad woman. When daddy sees a fly he ignores it. When Alena sees a fly she wants to get a good look at it and understand where it comes from, where it lives, why it says “bzzz”, where his mommy and daddy are and on, on and on!!!!

Usually I pull her away with a “ew Alena that’s gross”, but the other day I was feeling kinda of loopy and decided to entertain her questions about the family of caterpillars that were residing on our front steps. She and her friend were quite intrigued by them. So regardless of how grossed out I was, I let them get close and personal with these fury little green monsters. However I had absolutely no answers for any of the zillion questions they asked!

When we came in I was feeling even loopier and decided to make it a learning project for the three of us. I got on the net and found a kid friendly story on the life of a caterpillar. We read the story. Learned how to make the letter “C” and we even made our very own caterpillar friends! I mean I went all out…finger painting and blow drying cotton balls so we could have enough length to give the caterpillar's body the full effect. I even cut out eyes and legs! I have to admit it was a lot of fun.

Now, you are not going to believe this, as I am sitting here writing this blog on how I have been stretched to embrace creatures of nature, wouldn’t you know the news just did a story on “webworms.” Apparently they are known to attack the Texas trees. The news reports that due to the climate changes we have been having an extra dose of them this year and they are killing the trees. They even had a guy recommending different methods for killing them!!

As I looked up from the computer guess what I saw……that’s right, right there on my TV screen a picture of these “webworms” pop up. They look an awfully lot like the family of “caterpillars” that were living on my steps!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA wow…I LET ALENA PLAY WITH WORMS!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

My one liner husband says, “hmph, guess you know even less about bugs then you thought.”

Memories

By no means is my memory one of my best assets. I think I could probably do without it completely since it does not serve much purpose in my daily existence. Actually I have friends who often joke that I must not have been present between 1995 and 2005 because I can’t remember anything from that ten year stretch. I think it might be more accurate to tag 06 and 07 right onto that. However, there is one particular day that I can almost replay word for word, action for action and thought for thought. The incidents that took place throughout that day play a significant role in my life as I know it today.

August 2003. Everything was so new. I was a newlywed, still very much in the honeymoon phase, fresh out of undergrad, a recent implant to New Jersey and was about 1 month into my first “real” job. It had been quite a summer and my husband and I were looking forward to settling down and beginning our life together, just the two of us.

The day started like normal. I got up and went to work while Jonathan got up and went golfing… whether or not he did a little work before that is questionable! At about noon I got a phone call from my aunt. She had a dream that my mother, who was also recently married, was pregnant. We laughed hysterically at the thought and then she spent the rest of the conversation describing this beautiful baby to me. She was really upset that it was only a dream and she didn’t actually get to kiss and love on this bright eyed, dark haired, plump little girl. And of course she threw in an occasional joke that maybe this baby was mine. As expected my response was “yeah right, girl please”….but her words did resonate and the wheels in mind began to turn.

For the rest of the day, I was a bundle of nerves, paying close attention to my every twinge, ache and yawn. Needless to say on my way home from work I made a pit stop...

I sat quietly, alone on the couch in our living room, with every feeling, emotion and thought imaginable running through my head. “Could I be? No way…we have only been married 1 month…well it would be fun to have a baby…yeah but we said 3 years…..OH MY GOODNESS” Believe me when I say it was the longest three minutes of my life!!!!

At the time I had no idea what those two little lines on a white stick really meant. Now I sit three and half years later and I still have no clue. All I know is that I do better, try harder and pray more because she, well now THEY are watching! As I was trying to decide what to blog about, I asked a friend for some suggestions. She replied and said I should blog about what inspires me. Well here you have it. There is no greater inspiration then my desire to raise two beautiful women who will follow, fear and love God with their whole heart.

Gee this is great timing, I really needed to remember this today!

Change

Every night since returning from our month long assortment of travels I have sat down at my husband's laptop (mine did not survive the travels) with every intention to blog, unsuccessfully of course and quite honestly I think I am just a tad bit afraid of what might actually come out once I start writing...

Do you ever just feel out of whack but if someone asked you what was wrong you probably couldn't tell them? Well thats my life right now but don't go feeling sorry for me, the person that needs the pity is my poor husband...his wife is a real piece of work!!

..but about my trips!! We spent the last month vacationing in Florida, visiting family in Baltimore, attending my sister-in-law's wedding in NJ, and doing a whole lot of catching up and hanging out with old friends, it was simply a great time filled with, big hugs, good laughs and hints of confusing emotions.

The tricky thing is no matter how enjoyable and neccesary it is, change is a challenge. Basically during this trip my husband and I both realized that "home" as we knew it is no longer the same and we were forced to admit that neither are we. Its just funny to see it because for the majority of your young life you think what you see is what you will always get and that becomes quite comfortable. Then suddenly it hits you...parents and siblings and family in general don't have stop buttons just pause and what you think is "the way it is" is truely only the "the way it is right now"....good or bad, this too shall pass.

Vacation

Sorry I went away and did not tell you! Just wanted you to know I am still here..well on vacation but will be back to writing sometime soon!

Well while I am on here I might as well write a little...

So we are in Orlando and although it is simply amazing to watch the kids absord the sites, it really is a lot of work to vacation with a three year old and a five month old. Not to mention my brother and his family are here (3 and 1) and my aunt and her family (10, 13, and 16---great ages for vacation and helpers). Honestly, I think we spend more time using the potty and playing stroller musical chairs then anything else!!

But in the end its all worth it just to see my little ones playing and loving on cousins, aunts and uncles that they don't see often.

Since the kids are so young we decided it would be a real waste of money to actually do Disney or any of that. So we have just been hanging out at the pools and such until yesterday when we ventured out for our big amusment park day. Off to Sea World we went!

Now just imagine...two double strollers carrying nothing but bags, 2 over stimulated three year olds, two babies posted on the shoulders of sweaty adults and a 10 year old who had no idea what Sea World was and really just wanted to get wet...needless to say we were a site! hahaha

Funny thing is after all we saw and did, including the big infameous killer whale SHAMU and an awesome dolphin show with tons of acrobates, lights, tricks and flying objects, all Alena wanted to know was where did the girl's window go after she jumped out and into the water to ride the dolphins!!!...She talked about this and only this ALL NIGHT!!!!!!

Finally on the ride home, when Alena was still expressing her devastation about the girl and her loss window, my husband (who already thought we should have just stayed at the pool)..simply said "just like a girl".....

hmph I am still wondering what that means... ;-)

Personal Rules...

Ok so if you read some of the comments from my last blog you will see that my cousin "tagged" me on these personal rules...so now its my turn to tell all of the things that make me very anal and drives my husband nuts!

1. I think its offensive to ask me to repeat myself and if its not heard the second time I usually just stop saying it
2. Passing gas without saying "excuse me" is rude...even if its the 10th time in one night
3. Manners are not just polite they are a must...please, thankyou, excuse me...
4. Please ask me if I have to use the bathroom first before you go in to "read a magazine"
5. If I have to call someone for a reason, I have to first practice the converstation with myself
6. I don't like to touch or look at adult feet but I have to take a baby's socks off to see theirs
7. I can't sleep comfortably if I don't thoroughly lotion my hands and feet before bed
8. Stop breathing so hard, maybe closing your mouth will help?? :-)
9. I don't enjoy "stupid talk"...I'd rather sit in ackward silence then make up something to say
10. I love just sitting staring at nothing..no t.v., no book, nobody, just me and the walls
11. Using my toothbrush, washcloth or towel is a please don't
12. I love kids, but if you stare at someone you should say something!
13. You should always wear shoes outside
14. Never take someone's last bite
15. Folding laundry makes you neat but its a true waste of time...

wow...I really am a nice person..really I am!

Ok I only know a few of yall who blog, so Shaneia and Rashad you've been tagged...your it!

Cry it out

This blog entry contains information about the babies that grandparents, aunts and uncles may not be able to handle...read at your own risk...haha

I mentioned a while ago about the lack of sleep that I have been getting lately. Well unfortunately that is still the case and I have to admit that it has taken its toll. Besides the permanent bags under my eyes and the fact that I love sleep, it’s gotten even worse; I simply am no good in the morning and sometimes for the entire day! I am cranky, short and a bit lazy, closing my eyes every second I get and dragging myself out of the house only when absolutely necessary. So we decided something NEEDED to be done...

Ok.... so for about a month now I have undertaken different infant sleeping strategies and techniques trying to give her time to work it out on her own. They have included topping her off at mid-night and even asking my dear husband to sleep in the guest room because I was convinced his snoring was the problem!!

After none of these worked, I half-heartedly attempted letting her "cry it out." I even started sleeping in the living room with her so that while crying it out she would not wake up Alena. This was a complete mess and a failure...I could only stand about 3 min of an occasional yelp before I would decide it was easiest to just go on and pick her up. Not only was I tired and miserable, now I was sore...

Finally last night I decided to put on my head gear and boxing gloves. It was on! Kaitlyn and I would go at it all night if needed. This adorable tiny poopy butt baby was not going to control our nights anymore! Funny how she was not the only one who ended up in tears.

That’s right I let her CRY-IT-OUT and I joined her. We moved her to the living room at about eleven. I gave her a good feed, snuggled a bit, laid her down and went to bed (in the bedroom). As expected at about 3:30 she was up. I checked on her, patted her butt and left. She was MAD! Not even crying just shouting at me. I came back…stepped over Jonathan who had posted himself on the hallway floor as a form of support to help me stay strong…and patted her butt again. She was for lack of a better word, PISSED. I went back to bed. Well not quite. There is nothing like listening to your baby scream and not comforting them. So yes as she cried it out so did I.

After a little bit she was sound asleep and slept peacefully until we woke her at 9:30 this morning.

Often times in life we find ourselves in the middle of miserable, uncomfortable and upsetting situations that we feel we have no control over. The longer we put off addressing them the more miserable, uncomfortable and upset we become. We even let it filter into our mornings, days and before we know we are living a lifestyle which is controlled by our circumstances. We can half-heartedly address these situations but it only gets messier. It’s not until we get serious about a change that things will actually change. Some things require an all night fight and a little support to keep us strong. And no matter what, we need to be determined to “cry-it out!” I promise the tears won't last for long.

ummm now let’s see what happens tonight….

Dreams and Little Letters...

A friend of mine just asked me what my wildest dream was. After thinking long and hard I came up with.........

That's right, I came up with nothing. I have learned that whenever I get what I think I want, I realize that I already had what I wanted, haha....

After telling her what I came up with, she sent me parts of a commencement speech made by an all time favorite Ms. Oprah Winfrey. To sum up the speech Oprah was saying she did a show called "Wildest Dream Tour." You know how it goes, she asked people to submit their wildest dreams and she would fulfill them.

She goes on to say that they had a hard time finding enough dreams to fulfill and that women are so damaged that they lack vision. They did manage to pay some bills, send a few ladies on a trip and buy a couple of homes. They also had a few ladies whose wildest dream was to meet her. After seeing what she did for the other ladies, the ladies who simply wanted to meet her were upset. She summed up her point with, "They did not dream big enough."

I realize I may sound like I don't like Oprah, but I do. However I think I disagree with this concept. I think the women who whose dream was to meet her had the right idea. To me a wildest dream is something that would be nice to have happen but I have no control over it. Why would I dream that someone would pay my bills? Although that would be lovely, for it to be my wildest dream simply means I don't think its possible for me to accomplish this and to me that says a lack of vision....

OK topic change!!! What I really wanted to tell you tonight is that I am so proud of my little Alena..and myself! I, oops correction: WE have managed to teach her (keep in mind she just turned 3 in April) how to write the letters: "M", "P", "F", "E", "H", "A", "L", and "T." She can also run off a list of words that begin with "M," "P", and "F" and give you a bible story that matches!!!!! I am having such a proud mommy night and just wanted to share :-)

Old

So last night my neighbors had a party, more specifically it was a "fish fry."

I personally have never spoken to them. However my husband, being the socialite that he is, has held numerous conversations with them and has taken a liking to their 4 kids. They seem to be a nice family and they do speak to me, by default I suppose. But when my husband told me they stopped by a few days ago to 1. prepare us for the noise and 2. to invite us to the function, I knew I wouldn't be going. To be honest I was slightly annoyed that their noise would disturb my nightly routine of quiet time, even though they were polite about it.

So the party started and yes it was LOUD but it sounded kind of fun. So I decided to let their kids come over and sit with Alena and Kaitlyn (they were sleeping) while I joined Jonathan......boy was I in for a suprise...and not really ready for it!!!!

These people were serious! Let's just say they either don't get out much or they get out too much. THEY HAD COME TO PARTY!! It was about 15 40+ year olds, a cooler of assorted beers and a deep fryer. Oh let's not forget the boombox and the lapdance chair!!!

It was entertaining but a bit much for the hubs and I. So after a few good laughs, we took our oldhead selves back home where ironically the real fun began...

We finished the night, watching Anger Managment and playing Sorry, Uno, GoldFish, and I-DE-CLARE-WAR with the kids! It was great.

Just another one of those moments when I just have to laugh at where I am in life....the highlight of my weekend is entertaining the neighbor's kids. Now wouldn't you know they came back tonight.

Man, just like a kid :-)

So just like an adult, I kindly pulled the games down, gave them to them and sent them right back home to "practice." Then I returned to my nightly routine of quiet time.

Not sure which is worse...rather play with the kids or too tired to play with the kids...either way I guess I am just OLD!

Be Intentional

The more I talk to others the more I realize that not many things in life "just happen." From your career to your health, positive results demand intentional behavior.

Short and sweet but I think this concept is major and can be applied to any area of life. In general I think most people have wants and ideas as to the life they want, however, far fewer actually take steps to accomplish them.

For example: I have always wanted a six pack (talking stomach here!) and for those that know me I can hear the sighs.....yes I am "small" and have always been but I don't and have not ever had a six pack. Nor do I or have I ever actually done the work to achieve this, go figure.

A six pack is just something that I have always wanted....especially now, 2 babies later! But this desire for a six pack is just not enough. After 20+ years of wanting one it still has not happened.

This concept seems obvious, right?

Well I believe it’s the same concept for the broader picture of how we live our lives.

It’s easy and almost human to focus on and hide behind life's negatives and allow things to "just happen", but it takes an intentional effort to see the positives and make things happen.

It is far too easy to want a peaceful home. To want disciplined children with Godly values but it takes an intentional effort (and a lot of intentional praying!!!) to raise them to go in that direction.

If we don't intentionally seek out God's will and make decisions that lead to your vision it just won’t happen. Even with prayer and God's grace we will end up living a life that God never intended for us to have.

Just Wipes

Once again my lil Lena has called me to the plate and has challenged me to step up my game. Within the last few weeks she has developed a new awareness of her surroundings, daily activities and rules! Basically she has joyfully entered into the dreaded "WHY" phase.

Thought you might enjoy some of our most recent conversations...

Convo 1: Takes place at the kitchen table after watching what I thought was a safe movie, "Charlotte's Web"

Alena: I don't want to DIE. I don't WANT to DIE. I DON'T WAN--

Me: --Alena, what are you talking about? Why are you saying that?

Alena: Wilbur says that mommy..I don't want..

Me: Ohhhh ok, well don't say that anymore

Alena (very genuinely) Why mommy?

Me: um I don't know just don't

Alena: But why mom? Is it mean?

Me: No

Alena: Is it silly?

Me: um no

Alena: Is it bad?

Me: um no

Alena: well then why mommy? why?

Me: JUST DON'T!!!!! :-)

Convo 2: Alena is coloring on the floor. I look over and see a crayon in her mouth…not the first time..

Me: (in my very serious and stern voice, kneeling down so I can be eye level) Alena, do not put the crayons in YOUR mouth. If I see you put another crayon in your mouth, I am going to throw them in the trash. Do you understand?

Alena: yes ma'am

Within matter of seconds I look back over at her and what do I see? SHE IS COLORING ON MY FLOOR!!!!!

Me: (VERY SERIOUS) ALENA, DIDN'T I TELL YOU IF YOU DID NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH CRAYONS I WAS GOING TO THROW THEM IN THE TRASH????

Alena calmly looks up at me and says: No, you said if I put them in my mouth.

Me: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Our most recent convo 3: I am sitting on the living floor and in walks Alena. She is wiping off the walls, the baseboards and is proceeding to wipe off Kaitlyn's play gym

Me: Alena what are you doing?

Alena: (never stopping what she is doing) Cleaning up

Me: (getting increasingly worked up because I notice that she is using her toddler wipes that we just bought today!) "Alena is that a wipe from your bathroom? What are you doing with those? Those are expensive! Mommy paid a lot of money for those!!! You are only supposed to use those in the bathroom!!!! DO NOT CLEAN THE HOUSE WITH THOSE!!!! If you play with them I AM NOT GOING TO BUY YOU ANYMORE....

Alena: after she saw that I was finished my tantrum, she very calm and "as a matter of fact" says: Mommy, they are just wipes.

Me: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL......

Folks I am doing the best I can but this little girl is TOO MUCH!!!!!

Rest

There is something about the very presence of my husband that brings a sense of rest to my life. Actually it’s quite ironic because there is nothing about his personality that exemplifies "rest." He very much enjoys being on the go and keeping busy, or "moving with a purpose" as he puts it, where I on the other hand love to lounge and take it easy....which I have not been able to do...

So this past Thursday Jonathan so graciously agreed to stay at home with our oldest daughter, Alena, so that mommy and Kaitlyn could retreat to the luxurious Gaylord Hotel.

Because Kaitlyn is still so young (and is really a peaceful baby) we decided I would have one night of much needed peace, quiet and lounge time until he was able to join me late Friday evening.

Well one would think this was an awesome treat, right? WRONG! Well ok not wrong because it was GREAT but I did find myself on the phone with him constantly with all sorts of silly questions that I am embarrassed to tell you about. Just know that they ranged from how much and exactly when do I tip the valet parker? to can I open the door for room service in my robe?!?! :-)

I had to laugh at myself for being so silly. But deep down I felt really good about it. This may sound pathetic and weak to some but I am so grateful there are some things in my life that I simply don't have to worry about. I don’t know what’s appropriate for tipping, because my husband pays for me. I don't know if it’s ok to open the door in a robe because Jonathan protects me from unwanted attention...

When I think about my time alone I can't help to be amazed at what God has done without me knowing it. He has taught me to rely on my husband to have a certain level of control which allows his very presence to put my internal being at rest.

By no means do I have this wifey thing down but slowly I am learning that when I operate in my role as a wife the way God has designed it life can be so much easier and worry free. I am so grateful for the fact that that I can trust and rest on my hubby!

Today

Hubby is out of town...so just thought I'd post these pictures to sum up our great day of absolutness NOTHINGNESS :-)

Kaitlyn finally notices Alena!

What?? A TORNADO...

Alena and I had just finished up dinner and I was in the middle of delivering some heart breaking news to my charming baby big girl.

See, before we started dinner, I told her that if she ate her dinner I had a surpise for her. Well immediately after that the conversation went something like this:

Alena: I don't want any Broccoli
Me: Thats good cause we have spinach
Alena: breaks into an immediate cry and begins to stomp and have a full fledge fit
Me: "WHACKUP WHACKUP WHACKUP" hahaha thats me spanking her :-)

Once she got herself together she not only ate the spinach on her plate but asked for more. She also engaged me in a very pleasant conversation. Inquiring about my day and giving me a report on hers.

This may sound adorable and I have to admit she almost had me....because no sooner then she took her last bite, did she bat those big beautiful eyes at me and in her sweetest voice say, "I ate all my food mommy. Can I have my suprise?" she then began to plead her case, stating that she ate all her spinach, all her chicken and her noodles AND she drank all her water.

I had been BAMBOOZLED!...but back to the point of this blog.

I was sitting on the couch explaining (for the zillionth time) actions and consequences when I finally decided to pay attention to the faint vibrations I was feeling somewhere under my bottom. I dug out the phone to see that I had three missed calls, all from my aunt who was vacationing in California. I figured this call must be at least somewhat important and I decided to give her a ring back.

"Are you ok? I was just watching CNN and there are tornados in your area!!!"

I HAD NO IDEA. But within a matter of seconds Alena, her baby CHLOE, her "friend" AleMa, Kaitlyn and I found ourselves tucked away in my bedroom closet.

I was terrified. I mean completely shaken up but trying to hold it together because Alena was watching my every move and up until this point thought we were playing a really cool new game....

Well thank God the alarms finally ceased an we are all safe. But the entire experience really made me think and reexamine the way I handle the many disappointments that are bound to happen.

I was pretty upset with Alena's actions. From the fit to the manipulation but my love is unconditional so I immediately switched gears in order to protect my baby.. regardless of how disappointed I was and how bad I wanted to finish teaching her the lesson while it was fresh. I realize now that I had already made my point and it was just time to move on. Although it would have been stupid in this particular situation, it did make me think about how often I sit in a situation refusing to move on because I have a point to make while ultimately letting a disaster happen around me.

About me

So I have been thinking about this blog thing and re-examining the "about me" section that sits on the left side of the page screaming READ ME!!

If you take a look at it you will see that I have come up with NOTHING. Well not exactly nothing, but not anything creative or spicey, just the normal stuff..."mother, wife, blah blah."

After playing around with it, I decided it is what it is and thats just it.

Well without realizing it, this reality became the begining of a downward spiral. I began to think about why I was so determined to find something else to fill that space. As if being married to a wonderful man and being the mother of two precious baby girls can't be IT, its just not enough.

I mean after all I have always been expected to do great things, right? I mean really, I not only went to the best schools, but I studied abroad, I got good grades, I have experienced and been exposed to wonderful things and then on top of that I Love the Lord Jesus Christ and surely he would make sure I reached my expected greatness....right?

Well then why is it that when I think about me all I have is my wonderful husband and two precious baby girls? Surely I have something else...but what?? Where is it and what exactly am I doing with my life??

As I got farther and farther down the rings of this spiral I created I saw no postive ending. Then it hit me.

Is it that I am only a wife and a mother or is it that who I am, the life I live , is only reflected in the things I affect? The reality is its the things that I impact that truely measure and define who I am.

So here goes...

About me:

I am married to a wonderful man and the mother of two precious baby girls.



Now there yall go all up in my cabinets!!!

Life as I knew it...

It was nearly 1am. and instead of being somewhere far off in dreamland or snuggled with my hubby, there I sat on the floor alone (well sort of) in my musty, hot bedroom, inhaling humidity.

This may sound bizarre to some of you but if you have ever had a sick child...this scene is probably somewhat familiar.

Kaitlyn, my precisous 3 month old baby girl has a cough bigger then her and it just won't go away. So as a last resort to relieve her from her discomfort, I decided to place the humidifier on the floor and position myself directly in front of it in order for her to inhale the steam perfectly, kind of like a baby facial :-) I have to admit it sounds "extra" considering the humidfier had been running ALL day and my room could not get any more humid, but it worked and somehow she managed to sleep through the whole ordeal.

I am not sure how long I stayed on the floor or when I finally dozed off but the one thing I am sure about is that it was my sweet little 3 years olds voice that woke me at 6:57am.

Now, if anyone knows anything about me they know I am a sleeper. I mean I L-O-V-E to sleep, almost didnt get my husband (then acquaitance) because I chose sleep over talking to him...haha but thats another blog. So anyway its kind of ironic that I am now forced to survive with so little of it.

Of course Alena woke up ready to go and because of Kaitlyn's cough we were not going anywhere for the second day in a row. So I needed to be on point to keep up with her energy level. I actually suprised myself. I mean we played hard...baby dolls, crafts, makeshift Easter egg hunt and on and on...

Its days like this that I have to admit that I never could have imagined life as I know it but I am so glad its the one I got!

Something New

So wow this blog thing is SERIOUS! I just spent the last hour just trying to figure out how to get this set up and I am still not sure what the heck I am doing....and now the pressure is on. My first reader, my husband, just peaked over my shoulder and said, "let me read your blog". I immediately tensed up and closed the box!

So you might be wondering why am I even doing this?

I have always considered myself to be a good but private writer. To me, reading someone's words is like opening the door to someone's home, brisking past the living room that has been prepared for guest and heading straight to the inside of their kitchen cabinets...more in there then they intended for you to see...

So I think I am proving something to myself by doing this. Stepping out, building confidence and stretching myself...

NAH its not that serious, I just thought it's be fun to do something different.

Now who will actually read this ? I am curious to know...